


lord, i feel so empty since she’s been gone

by filippellis



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, F/F, JJ centric, Post-Break Up, Sad and Beautiful, takes place after elle leaves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-21 13:54:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30022785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/filippellis/pseuds/filippellis
Summary: it always felt like elle was there.-title from he called me baby by candi stanton
Relationships: Elle Greenaway/Jennifer "JJ" Jareau
Kudos: 5





	lord, i feel so empty since she’s been gone

it always felt like elle was there.

every time jj shut her eyes, elle's chiseled face was the only thing that appeared. sometimes she was happy, laughing the way she used to when jj first met her. other times she was moreso like herself towards the end of her career at quantico. tense, anxious, non communicative. other times she didn't have any sort of emotion on her face, simply coming to her as a portrait as still and as beautiful as an art piece. 

she always felt elle on her too; her phantom limbs clinging to her as she slept, her head resting gently on her shoulder on their rides home on the jet. it felt chillingly real, and jj couldn't help but indulge in those moments, soaking each one up as if she were still with her. but she wasn't. and the moment jj stepped out of that fantasy state, she once again stood alone, only with the desire for elle to come back to her left in her place.

she was beyond angry at everybody on the team. why didn't anyone make her seek counseling? why didn't they notice the signs that she was on edge, that she simply and truly was not herself? those thoughts chipped away her mind, over and over. she knew why. she knew she understood elle better than anyone else on that team, better than anyone else in the world, and she still let her break into a thousand pieces. she let her morph into this unrecognizable person, and now her love was gone with no one but herself to blame. 

she was sorry. she was sure elle didn't care.

they never officially broke up. they actually didn't speak, really speak, for a couple of days before her departure. elle was withdrawn, non conversational, and jj was exhausted. so she folded. the last she saw of her was when she was packing up her stuff from her office nearing midnight, fighting back tears. jj didn't ask what happened. she didn't need to. she was completely clueless and all knowing at the same time, and the sight of the elle she had always known, unabashedly confident and herself, having to walk away from doing what she loved made her break into a million pieces.

she helped elle put away her stuff into her car, wordlessly. she kept glancing over at her, trying to memorize every detail of the face she had love for so long so she'd have something to cling to when she was gone. it was dark. it wasn't enough. nothing was.

when everything was finished, neither of them knew what to say. they just stared at each other for a moment, standing in the parking lot of the place where their story had began and where it was now ending. elle opened her mouth ever so slightly as if she were to stay something, but instead sharply exhaled and looked away. jj wanted to scream at her to just spit it out, but no words would leave her mouth either. the both of them were sentenced to silence by their desire not to hurt each other.

elle opted for an embrace instead, pulling jj into a hug that spoke of love, regret, and a thousand apologies. jj hugged her just as tight, hoping to convey the same message as tears began to drop onto the shoulder of elle's sweater. elle pulled back upon noticing this, giving jj a soft smile, then wiping her tears away with her thumb.

that was the last she saw of her. she watched the car pull out until she could see it no longer, then stayed put for minutes on end hoping aimlessly that she would turn around for her. she never did. it didn't surprise her.

she returned back to her apartment at close to one in the morning, curling up onto her cold mattress as she stared at the ceiling, her thoughts as empty as her home and as her heart.

she swore she could feel elle lying next to her that very night, her arms wrapped around her and her nose placed into the crook of jj's neck. she turned back throughout the night, checking hopelessly for a woman she knew would never return.

she knew elle wouldn't be there ever again.

**Author's Note:**

> i've never written for criminal minds before so i hope you enjoyed <3 i love jelle so much


End file.
